Insomnia by any other name is a b@#ch'

1.58am,  it's bedtime.
I've dragged myself from the tv in an honest attempt at a routine. A decent routine. Like normal working folks. Was yawning like crazy just minutes ago.

Having heaved myself into bed with great hope of sweet slumber, it now eludes me like a thief in the night ... i'm left wide -eyed and staring at a distant light outside my window ( suspect it's the neighbor's night light though I was kinda hoping it was the moon or something more profound).  Guess the mug of hot cocoa didn't do the trick. 3 nights in a row. It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. If that's the case then maybe I'm just loco for my cocoa. (Hee, always wanted to say something like that)

Speaking of which, here's a neat trick for those of you not-so-caffeine-sensitive people out there looking for a comforting night cap sans the sugar, carbs and calories. Get some cocoa powder, add boiling water, pop in your fav no cal sweetener, a dash of milk and voilà- a true hug in a mug that's easy on the waistline. Seriously, one taste of this baby and you'll throw out the super-carbed Milo and Ovaltine along with the guilt of nighttime sugary treats.


Back to insomnia. Sleep has been eluding me a few days now. Looks like a pattern's brewing here folks. Yup, guilt has reared its ugly head. From not having a  'purpose' or 'life- direction' yet. (Sounds more important when you say things with inverted commas, I've been told).


I'm not giving in completely of course but just so my cells dont feel like they're aging for no apparent 'purpose' whatsoever but to exist I'm attempting some semblance of a routine. Some level of that all important productivity. Not the best routine but a routine nevertheless. A sense of order as it were.

Wake up brush teeth make coffee watch food network make brunch watch food network check emails watch food network post a blog ( pretty productive stuff dontcha think?) watch food network do craig ballantyne's buff dudes and hot chicks workout ( yes, really ) make linner ( that's lunch and dinner for you... see when you're not working like normal folks, mealtimes, and time in general, stop having any real meaning. .plus it's tons more economical both $$ and calorically-speaking AND there's one million less cooking paraphernalia to clean up)  watch hbo (uhoh watch out things are shaking up a bit here!), have cocoa (oh that wonderful chocolate hug in a mug!), big yawn brush teeth drag self to bed.

Then. 

Insomnia. Sigh.

And the day was looking pretty good too.

So what's keeping me up? Hell, what keeps us all up at night? What are these thoughts that keep clanging away like visual noise in the back of my mind just when I'm looking for serenity in the dark of night? A moment of peace. Seems like everything just gets a little bit louder at night doesn't it? The snoring partner, the farting dog.... Those I can deal with but the noise in the head... That's a different ball game altogether. 
And of course, discounting those freak bad-decision nights when I've watched a horror flick by mistake or driven by a perverse, twisted interest in how the movie ends... when my nights feel so like this-

The poor guy.  I can so relate. Thank God it's just a drawing.

The Bed

I love my bed. 


Don't you love your bed? 


How many people motivate themselves through the day saying "whoo hoo, just another 7.5 hours before i get home and back into bed!!!"  C'mon, you've got to love your bed right?? 


Well i sure do!


The way it hugs my body and changes to adapt to my weight. A truly wonderful thing. The soft cool sheets caressing every fibre of my body, lulling my being into a sense of contentment. Soft pillows cradling my weary head as I float away from consciousness.  When that happens, of course. (not on nights like this, hrrmph)


Did i say i love my bed? 


Giving comfort and support and allowing for much needed rest.  I love going to bed. Don't you? I think it's not just a need, it's sublime pleasure. Sleep gives us rest, yes, respite from the nagging spouse, demanding workplace, for sure, but best of all its the cheapest vacation from reality you'll ever take. Isn't that amazing? Some people say "oh just sleep 6 hours" or some nonsense like that cause sleeping any more than that means you're losing out on life. 


 Hogwash, i say.






Isn't sleeping, and enjoying it, a big part of living? Why do we rush in and out of sleep, just like we rush in and out of our day? Of the things we do everyday, always in an attempt to make more time for - guess what- even more things to do! Why is it so important that we have to 'live life to the fullest' or 'make the most of the day' or follow a whole bunch of other  inane expressions barked at us by every possible two-bit motivation speaker? Is it not worth it to stop, take a step back, enjoy the moment without doing anything? Or have a loooong restful sleep filled with dreams concocted by one's creative consciousness  without the interference of the outside world, without having to count the hours? 



You know what, I'd like to know what people think. If you're inclined to comment, i'm listening folks. 








Meanwhile, i'll try to get me some shut eye.