A new saga begins..

The Daily Rant is finally here!


I decided to start the daily rant on the advice of a good friend who suggested that i should see if my thoughts would strike a chord with others out there, since "...you have so much to say about everything that's not immediately important.." .That advice came a great many weeks ago but of course, as with all other non-work-slash-income-generating projects, it ended up right down there with cleaning the toilet in my urgent must-do list. 


So having cleaned the darned toilet, this was the next natural step.


In TDR, i'll be talking about anything and everything, really, that occurs to me. 


See, i'm going through a transition period since leaving my job with a company i've been with for over a decade, in the hopes of starting anew. With fresh (and stale) dreams and aspirations of finding out who i truly am, what i'm good at, what's my purpose in life, what i'm meant to really do here on god's beautiful earth, before my time runs out...hopefully in the very,very far non-forseeable future.


So hang on to your seats folks as we rev up the rant!


Time


The most elusive of precious resources available to man. It can be taken away from you at a moment's notice. Or without notice. The more you hunt for it the more it gets out of reach, doesn't it?


I've chosen to start my rant with the idea of time, cause it's become an obsession of sorts lately.


It's always amazing what happens when one searches for purpose and time, both invariably end up being scarcer and scarcer. It's been 2 months since I left work, and I still feel like there isn't enough time in the day. Nor am I better enlightened about my own purpose in life. Empty pockets of time get filled with relatively unimportant day to day tasks, and the day gets shorter and shorter.



Something I've learnt about time, time and time again ( pardon the pun) is that you don't get more time no matter what you do. It just gets more of you. Eats you up like a horrible cavernous big black hole in space. Becomes an addiction of sorts. The more you think you have time the more you want of it. Crave it. Need it. Pine for it. Put aside your life for the sake of having more of it. Or tell yourself you're giving your life 'more time'. Let's face it folks. There will never be enough time. Not for sleep, not for play, not for that all-important project you're working on or to anonymously assassinate the person sitting in that big-shot job position you've been eyeing.

Nope. You have to do what you can, now. This is all the time you'll ever have, right now. Make the most of it. And do it with no regrets. If you'll choose to spend the next hour reading, enjoy it. Just don't suffer the ensuing 'oh I should've done my house chores instead ' dissonance later. Enjoy it and appreciate every moment, whatever it entails. Begrudge it and all you'll feel is hollow, emptier and lost. Like something's been taken away from you. And the fact is, YOU have taken it away from yourself. This wisdom is within all of us. And yet our lives are consumed with regrets. Sure, go ahead, beat yourself up about how you used your time badly, have that pity party or self-loathing you think you deserve. But didn't you just lose another two days grieving? There you go. More time. Just plain lost. 


A wise friend once said, and then repeated this mantra for good measure, "if we make the wrong meal choice now, we'll just be better informed for the next time". So no need for the almost certain ensuing self-beating statements of 'oh I knew I should have ordered the chicken instead of the fish, now dinner is ruined! " . Do you know the post-dinner cognitive dissonance (or post-anything regretted) we often display could just be the worst part of the event itself? What's worse is, we would have ruined more than one person's dinner, and guess what, eaten up more time!


Point to ponder.. Moral of the story - stop harping on the coulda,shoulda, wouldas and get on with it. 


Expectations
My days are filled with laziness. The desire to do absolutely nothing. And a privileged ...or is it misplaced...sense of right to that desire.


Why then this inescapable feeling of guilt? Don't I deserve a prolonged period of self-indulgence with no real need to achieve anything? It's amazing sometimes what we put ourselves through on a daily basis. Usually it's from the unshakeable feeling that we owe something to someone else. That somehow, somewhere, someone's expectation of us must be met, whatever it is. So there's no real time to just chill, relax and take the day as it comes. 


Sure, you need a holiday, go ahead and take one, take as much time as you need, that's what everyone would say. But bottom line is, once that period of inactivity extends beyond what is considered an acceptable period, expectations begin to loom again, followed by the need to meet them. Why? To have a sense of worthiness in one's self? So I feel like a useful member of community, family, business and what have you? Is this not my life? To do with as I please? What happened to that expectation? So what if I'm in a funk of lethargy and malaise? Surely that's a sign of much needed me-time which just needs to run it's course before I find my true inclinations once again? Surely this won't last forever so there's no need to rush things, to deliver on other people's expectations? Or have that stupid sense of guilt for not being the so-called- best I can be? 


Or maybe...these are nobody's expectations but my own. Self-imposed, with burning brand marks that light up in the back of my head every time i sleep in a little longer than usual. Which is everyday, apparently.


I reserve the absolute right to do what I want don't I? 


Okay, this rant has helped me come to a conclusion. 


Stop feeling guilty about it and enjoy the process.


Anyone out there who's feelin' this rant, holler!